My family and other beasts of the world

A couple of quickies then onto the meat.

My gorgeous clever daughter has a blog of her own (spreading the geek around) it can be found

here

My partner in crime and other activities has a website with gigs etc on it (spreading the jazz geekness too)

here

I am immensely proud of both of them and thought I would share.

Now.........

I come from a small family that despite occasional moments of brain fartedness (on my part) are very tight knit and extremely loving and supportive.It is such an honour to have people actually know what you're like and still love and back you up even when you behave badly. Some people I call family are not even related by blood but by care,concern and a shared affection.

But that's how families should work.........but sometimes not.

Many of the young people I work with have less than supportive families, for all sorts of reasons that may or may not relate to them as individuals. Nevertheless I am struck with the knowledge that teenagers can be hard to tolerate for many parents and families but surely this is the time that the most patience and love is required. Teachers have a role to play that cannot be underestimated, I am often the only adult that a young person feels able to talk to about their concerns academic or social.

I find the emotional weight of this difficult to manage, however I am learning that I must be their teacher and not their parent, despite my overwhelming urge to take them home, feed them (because I must feed everyone) and make them feel safe until such time as they can see their own untapped potential for awesomeness or even just stability.

Boundary management is not just the purvey of teachers but also health professionals and anyone else that gets to see the vulnerable belly of our society exposed. My current dilemma is how to do it and still care enough to help but maintain my own emotional integrity and energies for my family...?

Running in The Bushes

Many years ago a mountain almost killed me, for real....so the fact that I am now getting a little obsessed with not only climbing them (or their rocks) but also running along their trails in somewhat ironic, strange or a bit of a worry if you're my Mum.

Here and now, a lifetime away from being airlifted off Mont Blanc; I have discovered the joy of running through the bushes, I am very slow, around 7 minutes a km and occasionally fall on my face, I get covered in scratches and bruises but I feel free in a way that is almost spiritual.

If I didn't have a heart that only functioned at 50% capacity and all the time in the world to get fit and play in the mountains this is what I would like to be....

Growing Up

I have been thinking about the process of growing up. The how's why's and wherefores of it along with the pain, disappointment and ultimately peace and contentment that hopefully comes.

Many things have precipitated this but mostly the following......a song, a conversation with my beautiful sister and struggling to be the best mother that I can be.

The song is by Amanda Palmer ( no surprises there) and here is an extract;

and in my mind

i imagine so many things

things that aren’t really happening

and when they put me in the ground, i’ll start pounding the lid

saying “i haven’t finished yet –

i still have a tattoo to get

that says ‘i’m living in the moment’.”

and it’s funny how i imagined that i could win this winless fight

but maybe it isn’t all that funny that i’ve been fighting all my life

but maybe i have to think it’s funny if i wanna live before i die

and maybe it’s funniest of all to think i’ll die before i actually see

that i am exactly the person that i want to be

The conversation ranged over the topics of motherhood, families and many other random topics but ultimately I felt wise and strong and strangely at peace at the end of it....and dare I say quite grown up.

The mother bit is more complex and as all mothers and fathers know an eternal struggle between loving,holding,keeping safe and letting go,guiding and hoping that you've done the best job possible.

All of these things and others have led me to the conclusion that maybe I have grown up, at the ripe old age of 40 1/2 in that I no longer feel that I can't be myself for fear of ridicule or rejection. That I have finally learnt some lessons about how to treat people and trust my gut instincts and finally that even if I do make mistakes that I can forgive myself.

Or to quote Amanda;

and in my mind

in the faraway here and now

i’ve become in control somehow

and i never lose my wallet

because i will be the picture of discipline

never fucking up anything

and i’ll be a good defensive driver

and it’s funny how i imagined that i would be that person now

but it does not seem to have happened

maybe i’ve just forgotten how to see

that i’ll never be the person that i thought i’d be

That is all

J

Why Amanda Palmer and burlesque make me feel like a woman

They are totally open, honest and celebrate their femininity and their sexuality, unabashed and without apology. This is what I wish for my daughter and all the woman that constantly question who they are and what role they need to play in the world(self included). Most of all never ever lose your sense of humour, cause sometimes it's all you've got and your "map of tassie"......

Candy or Medicine (with thanks to Ryan Beckley)

As promised, more time and brain space as the school year draws to a close has allowed for a little more thought about my central thesis of Jazz is not for wankers (although it can be, but not exclusively. In Australia the term encompasses a broad spectrum of society)

The words that germinated the idea of writing some of my views down for public consumption, rather than restricting myself to late night ravings to a sympathetic audience are courtesy of Ryan Beckley a junior studying jazz guitar at The New School in NYC. He managed to encapsulate some of the issues with the music, the ‘scene’ and what to do……….

“Obviously jazz today has a pretty pathetic social environment - the music is mostly heard by a combination of other musicians, music students and a rare handful of enthusiasts who genuinely enjoy the music and are aware of contemporary jazz. So while the music today is some of the best ever made, it goes largely unheard.” This fact has little to do with the music and a lot to do with jazz's fringe social status. “Jazz could never rise to social relevance without sacrificing its musical integrity. ”(Beckley, 2010).

He then goes discusses the separation of music into understanding and experience.

“This separation results in what T Adorno called the "castration" of music: the mass-market listener can either enjoy or understand music, but the two modes cannot be fully reconciled and in neither case can the music convey a deep message. Obviously, given the choice between the pleasing abandon of experience and the frumpy, candle-lit pretention of understanding listeners have gravitated toward experience.”(Beckley, 2010).

So the question that I feel the need to ask is………..

Is music candy or medicine with little in between? (Beckley, 2010) Alternatively, is there a common ground, a space in which the intellectuals and those that dance around their bedrooms to You Tube clips of experiential pop music can exist?

I confess to both the intellectualism and the dancing (bad though it is) and often get equal amounts of pure unadulterated pleasure from very intense modern jazz with poly rhythms, discordant harmonies, weird ass time signatures that change every 4 bars and totally manufactured, auto tuned, saccharine laced pop music.

My personal view is that all music is experiential but how we choose to access it will dictate the social or intellectual gravity it’s given, but access it we must. Let me know what you think……..